whatchoo gonna do?

for the sake of non-repetition, i'm just going to stop apologizing for sporadic posts and making promises for more frequent ones. what can i say? i'm streaky.

i have no idea what to write about. i'm only on here because i need to procrastinate with the book writing, and chris is glued to the new harry potter like i used to be glued to quarter pounders with cheese. that is to say, he is quite engaged. so, here's some random miscellanea:

-- i liked the deathly hallows, though not as much as some of the other books, which i think has a lot more to do with my newly discovered inner editor than any flaw in her imagination of the novel.

-- i registered for the surrey international writer's conference today, and i am alternating between moments of insane fury (WHY haven't they confirmed my fax registration by email yet???), rolling nausea (what am i thinking, believing i can successfully pitch my totally unfinished novel to kristin freaking amazing nelson?) and pure excitement (OMG, OMG, OMG, kelley armstrong, diana gabaldon and jack whyte might TALK to me!). luckily for me, and unluckily for you, i get to go up and down this emotional roller coaster for another three months. that means much blog-worthy angst and mania.

-- the exhaust support structure for the portable air conditioner i bought last week won't fit into our ridiculously small basement suite sized windows. i have to wait until tomorrow to call customer service for alternate suggestions because the fascist manufacturer is based in backwards ontario, and has been closed for the last three and a half hours.

-- the muscles in my abs, back and thighs are absurdly, whine-inspiringly sore, and i have no idea why. yes, i've worked out, but i haven't changed my workout's intensity or duration, so i don't know wtf.

-- my mom is sick with some sort of hitherto undiagnosed illness, and it's driving me nutso not knowing what's wrong with her. i live in constant fear of yet another person i love calling and telling me that they have the big c. fair warning: if my mom has the big c, you can just count on me to lose my shit. lose. my. shit. lock me up, give me a straight jacket, and padded walls. and then take me to visit my mommy so i can take care of her.

-- i'm not writing my book right now, and i don't know why. i can't say it's the publishing fear, really i can't. usually when i procrastinate, that's what it is. not this time. this time, i'm kind of scared that i can't write creatively anymore, that i spent so much time writing to please a potential publisher i don't remember the elements that made my writing unique back in the day. i'm hoping that writing this blog post will jump start the book writing, because it has in the past. fingers crossed.

-- i think i'm getting an out-of-the-house research job, and a very large part of me feels very 'eek' about that. however, it's time to wake the hell up and smell the burnt coffee that is life. the reality is that even if i finish the book, find an agent, and get the book published, i won't make enough per book to support myself financially. therefore, i probably need to get used to the very real world lifestyle of waking up early to exercise, getting ready, taking the bus downtown to work, coming home and hopefully having enough energy to write, because let's face it folks -- i'm not going to make enough money from writing to be materially comfortable, especially not with my boyfriend on strike. yet the prospect of facing this reality is most daunting, and frightening, because i have much at stake on other levels. i worry that this job will interfere with the book writing (what book writing? what?), with the healthy lifestyle changes i have made for myself (which are good for my health in so many ways i don't have enough fingers to count), with the largely stress free mental space i've got now. but alas, you never know until you try, and if i hate the job, i can always burn my bridges and quit, right? also, on the brighter side, the job might eliminate stress about finances, introduce me to new and nice people, and impose an external schedule that would actually force me to work on the things that are important to me rather than procrastinate by writing on my blog.

-- i should have hired a wedding planner.

-- i've decided on a honeymoon location, and i am freaking thrilled about it. can we just skip the wedding part and get on with the honeymoon part?

-- there's nothing good on tv this time of year.

-- i need some good book recommendations. anyone got any ideas?

-- i've been trying, and succeeding, at reading more. i think the more i read books, the more i am inspired to write books. the more i read publishing blogs, on the other hand... at any rate, just finished the year of magical thinking by joan didion and storm front by jim butcher. totally different books. magical thinking is a memoir about death and loss and grief, and it is both well-written and incredibly touching. i bawled at numerous moments because didion manages to communicate the intimacy of her relationship and the chaos of her loss in such a way that the reader can remember and imagine their own losses. it's a very good book, though certainly not happy reading. storm front is the first book in the dresden files series by butcher. i tried to read this series months ago, and totally hated it. i think i started with a middle book instead of the first book. anyway, for some reason -- i think because of butcher's inclusion in the urban fantasy pantheon along with hamilton, armstrong, harrison and harris -- i decided to attempt a re-read and boy, was i wrong the first time. i really enjoyed butcher's world building, and his main character, harry dresden, is funny and interesting. he's also a wizard listed in the yellow pages who consults for the police on the weird and whacky cases. butcher does a good job of melding back story with description and action, and he has great technical writing skills. there are times that the drama is a bit overwrought, but i'm willing to overlook that for all the other great things he brings to the table. page. whatever. the point is -- reading books is good for me. i should have a book on the go all the time. now, if only the publishing industry could manage to produce enough good ones for me to read. (did i mention that if i like a book, it rarely lasts for more than two days?)

-- it's getting hot again, and i don't like that at all.

i've got lots of other stuff to update, i could do this forever, but i'm bored, so i'm going to go try something else now. thanks for listening.